Essays on Books, Poems, Plays, and Movies

Of course flying with a baby is torture. Visiting New York City with a baby is hard. But I breastfeed and my baby doesn’t take a bottle well and I couldn’t imagine how my husband could take care of the baby at night without me and my mammary glands, and so I brought my mother and my baby with me to New York. As it happened, I also got in touch with a friend I hadn’t seen in ten years, and he came to our hotel room to chat with me and see the baby before it was time to go to the party.

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And yet, I am profoundly unfree.

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I love you. So perfectly written.

Hi Andrea, thank you for your comment. I am a teacher as well and I am currently on maternity leave with our second baby. I am scheduled to go back in September when my daughter turns nine months, but I don’t know that I can bear it. How long were you home with your babies before you returned to teaching? If I did it, we would be barely scraping by financially, but I also consider my children my life’s work.

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But when Watkins has a baby, her working life is thrown off-kilter:

GEMSTONE- I agree with you. I feel the grips of motherhood and the losing of one’s identity as well, but I also work full time with two younger children and felt her overbearing stress on other people watching your children to be insulting. No one will debate that there is no substitute for our children’s mothers, but many women work, for many different reasons. Sometimes its simply so they don’t get swallowed alive at home which she seems to imply happens to mothers anyway, whether they are at work, or at home. Sure, she’s a writer and every writer I’ve ever met and known, likes to stress the importance of their work above others. While I found her points to be valid in many ways, the truth is that mothering is not for the selfish or weak of heart- it is a sacrifice we make to raise the best children we can. She seems to forget that most married couples with children are not choosing to live with a parent and therefore reaping the benefits that come with that, benefits that could include not being forced to work outside the home, away from their children in order to pay the mortgage.

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“Yeah,” she says, “You should generally do exactly what you want.”

The idea of not having my children, my husband, my life, is unbearable, and I find myself thinking of Dorothy Parker, alone and drinking herself to death with her poodle bitch at the Volney Hotel. Robert Gottlieb writes about her regrets at the end of her life in a profile for . He asks: “Yes, ‘you might as well live,’ but for what?”

It has taken me years to learn specific techniques and develop my skills as a makeup artist.

Please– leave the underwear on the bathroom floor.

Dee, I think you might be adding layers of malice to her husband’s behavior. In the metropolitan area where I live, sadly, it is quite common for a working person to leave home at 5am for a 2 hour commute, work a full day in early career (as her husband is), and commute home 2 hours. I think Rufi’s questions about the possibility that it’s subversive to believe that the selflessness required to be a good mother (by which I don’t think she means picking up underwear) and the selfishness required to be a good, or even productive, artist can coexist.