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O How this reminded me of my pregnancy 13 years ago. I even kept my breath, passing trucks to avoid inhaling the smoke. Then came the autism diagnosis. Then blaming from myself and others. No no-one is perfect, but we are perfect as we are. Thank you for your inspirational story.

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And yet, I am profoundly unfree.

Oh my word. You said things I’ve tried saying many times before, but you did it so well and so much better. Amazing read. So packed with “amen” moments.

i really appreciate the and i enjoyed reading so much

This was so good. I am always so impressed by my fellow mothers of more than one child (it’s true – one is so simple) who can produce creative works. My husband claims to be supportive of my dreams, but really has no clue how much I’ve sacrificed my own life and dreams to support him as wife and mother. I encourage him to go to that multi-day cross-country conference, but then hear complaints when I speak aloud my dream of going away alone for a couple days when the baby no longer needs me so desperately.
Thank you for this article. You put into words so many of my own thoughts.
And about the underwear, you may never be able to train your husband to pick it up. My own cannot see the the small bits and pieces of his grooming that he leaves behind. His eyes are only open to the details that matter to him. Tiny, infuriating hairs will never fall into that category.

exclent asome essay while read this i m proud to be a son of my mother

You will not, however, find an entry for chromosomal deletions.

Strong Legendary and Real Heroes: Counterbalancing beliefs about women’s place is the historic veneration of some powerful, albeit exceptional, women. Stories of warrior women such as Hua Mulan and various militant Ninja types appear regularly in classical Chinese fiction. In Japan, samurai women appear, like Tomoe Gozen who supposedly rode into battle alongside her husband during Gempei Wars, or Hojo Masako (1157-1225), wife of Japan’s first shogun, who directed armies and in effect ruled the Shogunate from the convent where she had “retired” after her husband’s death. Later, bands of women armed with the exclusively female sword called naginata, were called upon to defend their towns or castles. Japanese girls today still learn to use this long sword.

I love it so much I love my mother without her i am not here I just love her sop much!

Abruptly, her tone changed. “Cut the cord!” she barked.

Somehow I believe, in the final view of things, that those who are artists are often those who tried being normal first and just weren’t that good at it. We didn’t connect well with your average school kid, and struggled so much to be understood in the world that we turned to the outer world to express ourselves and connect there. This lack of interpersonal skills kind of sets us up to be less than ideal parents. No matter how hard you try.

My husband snipped, and the midwife whisked the bean-shaped blur away.

My baby is developing normally and is healthy and strong.

In my home, there are some things my husband does because he knows they drain me (all after-meal cleanup, travel arrangements, fixing things). There are other things we pay for (some cleaning, some laundry, some childcare, groceries delivered by Fresh Direct, diapers delivered by Amazon, consultations on the best kindergarten) and some things we let go of (perfect order and cleanliness, folded laundry). There are some things I do (baths and bedtime, meal planning, managing the childcare, doctor’s appointment, education/school appointments, teaching our son to read). The key is that I do what I most want to do, and as much as possible, and in whatever way possible, let go of the things I really hate doing.

Asthma: Smother love. Inability to breathe for one’s self. Feeling stifled. Suppressed crying.

Tolstoy’s wife wrote in her journal:

These are difficult questions for me to consider. I am proud of being a mother. I love my two children. I love them so much that it hurts to look at them and I am pretty sure they are the best, smartest, scrappiest, funniest boys in the world, and having them changed my life. My life before children was selfish and bland, all feelings and no grit, just a drifting miasma of mood. To go back to living like that seems like hell. I get annoyed when women’s magazines try to edit my motherhood out of my work. I get depressed when they won’t run a piece unless I take out any mention of my having children. I firmly believe that having children has made me smarter and better and more interesting, and fuck you to any women’s mag that doesn’t think so too.